Michelle: Efren met an accident eight months ago. He can no longer walk. He knows he should get on with life but he is still consumed with bitterness. And it seems like the people around him are losing their patience. He’s at a loss on what to do to turn his life back to normal. It’s good that Efren realizes that he should get on with life but he has to be realistic enough to know that his life cannot be back to normal as what it used to be prior to his accident.
DJ: We react in different ways to traumatic events. Recovery takes time and people heal at their own pace. But I also learned that trauma does not often improve in isolation. It helps if he remains engaged with people close to him to open more opportunities to process his thoughts and feelings.
M: I’d like Efren to check out Pads (Philippine Accessible Disability Services Inc.) Several months ago, I met John Paul “JP” Ecarma, the chief executive officer and founder of Pads Adaptive Dragon Boat Racing Team, which is a team composed of people with various disabilities (deaf, blind, amputees and polio survivors) who won the gold medal in their first international race at the Hong Kong Dragon Boat Carnival. From JP, I learned that just after six months from the inception of the dragon boat team, there has been so much progress in each of the members who not only gained a lot of health benefits but also important life skills, which were developed through their training. Maybe Efren thinks that his family or his friends are losing their patience or giving up on him but maybe they are just wary about pushing him too much and do not want to pressure him.
DJ: How well Efren adjusts to his current situation is also said to be closely correlated to what he was active with before the accident and the current social, emotional and financial resources available to him. Was he into sports and outdoor activities? Was he active in social circles? Is he close with his family? Is his support system strong? The quality of his relationships will see him through. A lot of people in similar situations eventually find out that staying connected with people close to them improved their thoughts and feelings over time. However, I still suggest that he consider professional help from a trauma expert. Once he’s finished grieving about what happened and has reoriented himself with his new situation, he’ll be able to rise up and move on to new possibilities.
M: I think Efren can relate to Brylle Samgel Arombo, one of the youngest members of the Pads team who had a vehicular accident that caused him to lose his right leg from the knee down. While it is a sad truth that many discriminate against those who are disabled or physically challenged, there is really no limit to what one can do if he or she sets his or her mind to it. And sometimes the biggest disability is not in one’s physical limitations but in one’s mental attitude. C. S. Lewis once said that hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.
DJ: It takes time to accept what has happened and to learn to live with its outcome. And I pray he’ll be able to focus on the things that he can still do today. Time heals. And given the right support, no doubt Efren will be able to live an even better life with his new abilities.