As cheesy as it may sound, there’s an old saying that love is like a butterfly—if you hold it too tight, it will die; if you hold it too loosely, it will fly away. I wanted to reflect on this statement after seeing the news on social media about a husband charged with parricide due to a domestic dispute. Based on the details of this tragic incident, the suspect accused his wife of having an affair with another man. After a heated argument, the victim fled riding a motorcycle, and the husband followed them and smashed the car he was driving, killing his wife instantly.
As a married person myself, I can profoundly relate to this concern. Jealousy, in the context of marriage and relationships, is defined as the emotional distress caused by the fear of losing your loved one to a third party. It is usually caused by having insecurities or the feeling of “not being enough”, past traumatic experiences of betrayal and abandonment, or relationship styles of being too attached to one’s partner that tend to cause fear of separation and rejection. Jealousy, as a disturbing feeling, can manifest in small ways, as a person experiences manageable tension whenever he/she learns that his/her partner gets involved with another person. In a common way, this is the “normal” type of jealousy, which symbolizes the need to protect the relationship from unwarranted threats from external factors. Most of the time, this feeling can be controlled and addressed through open communication between the couple.However, there are also irreparable levels of jealousy that confront some people whether innately or extraneously. When a person experiences this feeling, he/she cannot control his/her thoughts and emotions, turning irrational, ill-tempered, and toxic. With these irrepressible effects of jealousy, the person becomes disturbingly close-minded and unlovable no matter how the other person proves innocence over the allegations and assures his/her loyalty to his/her partner. Without proper intervention and counselling, this is normally where the relationship starts to become sour.This leads us to ask the question: how do we deal with jealousy, most especially if it goes out of hand? The top-of-mind answer, which is the common solution to all conflicts, is always building and maintaining open and vigorous communication as a couple. This includes communicating one’s expectations of how both partners should behave in the presence of other people who may trigger jealousy. Married or committed people should avoid situations that may cause their partner to suspect or develop insecurities with themselves.Secondly, and equally important, is maintaining trust with one another, with constant efforts to assure each other of their loyalty and commitment to the relationship. The conscious determination to protect one’s relationship, as well as the will to put God at the center of the relationship is a powerful way to address such resentfulness with each other.For couples who might have the need for professional help, subjecting themselves to couple counselling and therapy is also recommended. There are also support groups, whether religious or social in nature, that focus on setting healthy marriages among couples using meaningful experiences and advice from successful couples.Lastly, we must remember that we cannot give what we do not have. If we don’t love ourselves, then it is nearly impossible for us to love our partners the way they do. Despite all the busy days that cause stress and physical depreciation, we must always make a commitment to look and feel good for our own selves and for the people who matter the most to us.
