LGUs to decide on local lockdowns

In other words, mind your own virus.

* Guv cuts ‘red tape’ on cross-border travel

Those who defy will be axed.

* 12 barangay captains, 45 others charged for SAP anomalies

They chorused, “Ano? Mali?”

* Mandaue commuters opt to walk as buses still few

Officials ought to walk their talk.

* 78,000 Central Visayas teachers to get P3,500 cash aid

The Math teacher commented: “That’s sum-thing.”

* Barangay Apas officials face complaint over procurement of dump trucks

Heads wheel roll.

* Philippines suspends termination of Visiting Forces Agreement

Because there are unwanted visitors who’ve got force?

* PNP identifies over 1,000 unqualified pensioners

Some corrupt cops may have retired from work; but not from doing bad.

* Over 90 foreigners arrested for illegal online gambling

Prison is offline.

* Group sounds alarm over e-cigarette addiction among youth

These addicts are living in the Planet of the Vapes.

* Police arrest man who failed to deliver medical supplies

Imprisonment is prescribed for him.