EVERY day, I learn something new about myself

Sometimes, I live in the past and this is why some days, I feel sad, bitter and resentful. But most days, I live in the future which is why I am often worried, stressed and anxiety-ridden.

Neither is a happy place. Perhaps, I need to live in the present more often, open the windows a little wider, let more of the sun in, give joy a chance to stay longer.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

I take life too seriously. Some people can laugh over most things. Not me. I need to laugh more often and not just over the jokes people crack but over the foolish choices I’ve made in the past.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

I beat myself to pulp over things most people wouldn’t lose sleep over. I need to learn to forgive myself for the not-so-ideal choices I made when I was less secure, less empowered, less enlightened.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

I’m afraid of being less than perfect. I don’t sing because I’m afraid of being off-key. I don’t play games because I’m not good at any. I don’t flirt because I do it badly. I need to be good at everything that I do. And this is why there are things I don’t do.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

Perhaps, I’ll always be too much for most people—too self-absorbed, too intense, too open, too obsessive, too opinionated. And that’s okay. I don’t need people to like me to sleep soundly at night.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

Every flaw, every fault, every failure is magnified in my mind—the other person’s or mine. This is why I get very sad, very angry, very upset over things that don’t matter to many people. But small, insignificant moments to most people can mean the world to me. Many things, minute and mundane to most people, bring me great joy.

To feel everything so intensely is both a curse and a blessing for me.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

I’m so scared of getting hurt, I’d rather leap off a mountain and risk not seeing another day than imagine forever with you and end up without you. My spirit is strong but my heart is fragile.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

I will never be whole because I don’t want to be. If I became whole, what would I have to aspire for? What would I live for? It would be like finally getting to read all the books in my anti-library.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

It’s okay to be missing a part of you, to be broken, to be in pain, to be unsure, to be scarred, to be sad, to be scared. And it’s okay to tell the world how you feel because someone out there may need to know they are not alone.

Every day, I learn something new about myself.

Today, I learned I can hurt and heal at the same time. My pain can be someone’s balm.