IT’S during these days of living in isolation and limited movements when you are able to explore all the books you have hoarded throughout your lifetime, and I’m telling you, I have a lot. That includes several cute Bibles. Cute because, they literally are cute. I love Bibles that are a delight to the eye as the plain black, blue, and green are so stoic, they remind me of the years when I was forced to read them instead of enjoying them.

One recurring topic in the Bible is one that I have been resenting for long... forgiveness.

There was always that refusal to budge, the bruised self-demanding recompense, the angry self-demanding justice, the self... the self...

I guess that’s the human in me crying, “Unfair!”

The thought of forgiving our enemies is always scoffed off as impossible. The thought of forgiving seventy-seven times made my eyes roll in disbelief. What about my hurt feelings? What about the injustice done? There is no forgiveness without justice!

I’m like all of you, you know. The self will always demand retribution.

Of late, in my journey into pranic healing, I’m beginning to understand what all this is about. Just a teeny-weeny bit of understanding. But that doesn’t mean that many will understand as well. After all, I can truly say, I was, and still am at times, like that.

One very good friend has anger in her heart, and my attempt at stating my point was quickly rebuffed. Healing, she said, can only come after fury has been expressed. That was how she was healed, she said.

I kept quiet, recognizing the anguish in her words. And I can only imagine the supernatural burden that had to be carried for mankind to get past this and speak only of forgiveness. I’m human with human failings, I’d rather not engage in what can be a never-ending debate on who’s right or wrong.

In the end, it’s never really about who’s right, for that is the self-declaring supremacy over the other. It is the ego that is hidden in every action we take. The ego, that is the downfall of many in this path that is required of us should we opt to take the high road.

It wasn’t even called high road for nothing. It’s high up there, no wonder many would opt to not rock the boat and just do what has been done before — to succumb to anger, to demand recompense, and then declare that it’s our duty to mankind.

But... What if it’s not? Why is the Bible saying otherwise? Why is the same echoed in the Qur’an? And in Bhagad-gita?

There are truths hidden in those holy books that we can only aspire to plumb in our human understanding. This pandemic is giving us some time to ponder and I’m welcoming it. In the meantime, I have to contend with the ego in all its shapes, sizes, and manifestations.

saestremera@gmail.com